Part 26|| I AM THAT I AM

Diluted Lies, Shooting Stars, and The Waggle Dance

Jul 16, 2025

∙ Paid

Part 1|| Stardust|| When You Remember Your Celestial Origins

Part 2|| Stardust|| When Stars Collide

Part 3|| Stardust|| Snuffalupugus, Planetary Parades, & A Truck Baby

Part 4|| Stardust|| Tristan As A Mouse & The Vertex

Part 5 StarDust|| A Kiss of Life, Guitar Plucks & Magical Kings

Part 6 || StarDust|| Four-Leaf Clovers, Fireflies, & Harlequin Novels

Part 7 || Stardust || The Deception of Appearances

Part 8 || Revised Contracts & Interference

Part 9 || Soul Merge & Love Making

Part 10 || Enter The Twilight Zone

Part 11 || Trump Near-Assassination, Timeline Jumps & Tracks

Part 12 || When Voltage Regulators Go Haywire

Part 13 || Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Part 14 || Would You Die For Him?

Part 15 || Is Snuffy Your True Twin?

Part 16|| Characteristics Of A Twin Flame Connection

Part 17|| More Characteristics Of A True Twin Flame Connection

Part 18|| Two Ships In The Night

Part 19|| Guns, Candlesticks & The Clock That Knows

Part 20 || Crypto, Soul Bubble & Pop

Part 21 || The Lion, The Gate, & The Toad To Remembrance

Part 22 || I AM The 1,2,3,4 & The 5

Part 23|| Sigils in the Soil: Soul Memory Recovery

Part 24 || Runner, Remember Me

Part 25|| La Madre, Snuffy, & The Shit Nobody Smells

A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with Source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separating a man from his soul and leaving him aimlessly wandering.
A man’s highest calling is to protect a woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. His lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman. ~ Cherokee Proverb

As the ayahuasca kicked in post-purge, the conversation with Snuffy continued in my mind. It would be the first of several. I believed I was speaking to his Higher Self, or even future/past versions of him. Trust me, I know it‘s out there.

When something came up, it was him I wanted to share it with. Why? I would talk to him in my head when I was furious with the way my boundaries were being crossed, and felt severe trust issues and confusion. I was like Jon Favreau in Swingers, except I didn’t send all my recorded messages.

Our communication in the 3D was peculiar. It would prompt me to question ‘reality,’ which I viewed as a positive.

We’ve spoken on the phone a total of five times over the past two years. Maybe. Oh yeah, and then there was the time he called me from another number and then denied it was him, and I almost believed him.

At times, he sadly shut me out, and in a way, I had to as well. I was a lone wolf, too, and I needed time to process the things that came up. It was both intense and fascinating. I even felt it when he was angry with me once. Later, he confirmed he was upset, although nothing had happened between us in the 3D to merit this.

I would tell him things in the ethers, and sometimes he somehow got the memo. For instance, one time, I wanted to revise a quote for a job he’d done. I initially said $365, and later thought, 'Well, I‘ve undervalued things,' so I considered the figure $588. When I sat at my desk, he’d emailed me an invoice at about 4 a.m. with that exact number.

Another time, I stumbled upon a declassified document about the Gateway Experience, a series of guided consciousness-expansion exercises developed by the Monroe Institute. When I saw him next, he told me he’d come across it on his own a few days before I sent my email. There were many such occurrences.

I thought I was losing my mind. I just felt this third energy around me. I was guided to observe, breathe, journal, and move to dissipate the energy. And let go. Again and again.

And with time, I realize what I had truly co-signed for. I had been assigned to study the inverted matrix way below, and now, with his unwitting guidance, I was invited to start exploring what was above.

But I won’t get too ahead of myself.

Let me just say that many people who've experienced what they believe is a twin flame journey often say something like:

“I wouldn’t wish a twin flame journey on my worst enemy.”

This isn’t because the connection isn’t powerful or beautiful — it's precisely because it is. The intensity, mirroring, and triggering of core wounds, along with often prolonged periods of separation, can be gut-wrenching. It strips you down to your soul, prompts shadow work, and frequently brings up unresolved trauma, abandonment, or rejection wounds.

I noticed that this “rare and exceptional” connection, as described in The Pattern, was teaching my heart and soul to temper my anxious attachment style, which the truck baby heightened.

If a material possession hadn’t been involved, we both would have completely bolted. Eventually, I texted less. My Higher Self would tell me when I needed to get something off my chest ‘for peace of mind.’ Whether he listened to them, I had no idea. Regardless, maybe the waves of thought somehow reached him and sometimes distorted things.

When you agree to something without fully understanding what it entails, it's called informed consent, but in other circles, it's referred to as “the long con of the soul."

The Path of Pollen || Waggle Dance In The Grass

For now, I headed off into the woods to see if that would help ease my mind. I told Aya I wasn’t too happy about having Snuffy in my ceremony for three out of the six hours.

I soon found myself making figure eights in the grass.

It was British author, teacher, and shaman, Simon Buxton, best known for his book The Shamanic Way of the Bee: Ancient Wisdom and Healing Practices of the Bee Masters, who introduced me to the figure-eight walking meditation.

When we first started filming in 2006, I was terrified of the honeybees, but I vowed to myself that by the time we finished, I would be able to commune with the sisters of toil. And I did. I went from needing to wear a bee suit to being covered with bees while holding the Queen Bee in my right hand.

Dorset was thatched cottages, rolling hills, and ancient woodlands. When we arrived at Simon and his wife’s home, they let us stay in the house where they usually host retreats and had filled the fridge with delicious food. We had just come from Cologne, Germany, where we had filmed with an anti-Bayer coalition.

They showed us around, and I noticed a new-fangled eye mask with soft foam padding sitting on a chair. Simon told me it was the Mindfold and that Artist Alex Grey had designed it. He used them during their Darkness Visible retreats to guide participants through prolonged darkness, using sensory deprivation to deepen inner sight and spiritual insight. I told myself I wanted to do it, but the timing wasn’t right. The Queen Bee is of the light, but she spends most of her time in the dark, laying eggs, or in my case, ideas.

Simon’s lineage holds that bees are emissaries of the Sun, and that their sacred hum is a frequency of …

Part 26|| I AM THAT I AM

Diluted Lies, Shooting Stars, and The Waggle Dance

The Path of Pollen || Waggle Dance In The Grass

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